Dear Henry, who needs fireworks, when there's you?

It was 4th of July morning and Henry graduated from his belly button central line to a Peripherally inserted central catheter (PICC). It was time to let his little belly button heal, this PICC line can be used for a longer period of time and there is a lower chance of infection. He took it very well, there weren't any issues. Relief. 

Matt decided he wanted to get rid of his dirt bike, so at 8am he found someone who wanted it. After that we spent the day with my parents, and Henry. We went home for a little bit to BBQ, pump and watch a movie. Then for the first time in my life we drove past the fireworks without a thought, and went to stare at our baby. 

Tuesday was more of the same, except for 1 thing... we can touch him now! I held his hand and Matt held his little foot. Then we got to do his "cares" Matt changed his diaper, and I took his temperature. We are now celebrating the little things, being hand to skin with Henry was so special. He skin is very fragile so we can't rub him, everything is firm touch right now, but we will take it!

At this point I'm starting to feel like I'm waking up from the haze, but when I'm home and I look down at my swollen feet, all of the IV marks, the scabs down my back from the needles and the bruises everywhere, I'm taken right back to a week ago. I constantly replay Saturday and wonder what I could have done differently to make my baby continue to grow inside. I have been told over and over again by doctors and nurses that there was nothing I could have done, but until you've lived it, words just feel like words. 

I will do everything in my power to keep this baby growing and strong, I will give him everything I have. Right now all I have is time... I will sit by his bed, read to him, sing to him and touch him, he will never know loneliness, thats a promise. 

I love you all!

- Nikki


I want to take a detour for one second to talk about the blog... The day after Henry was born the NICU social worker came into our room to see how we were coping with everything. She sat and talked with us for about an hour, she wanted to hear all about the pregnancy, then all about the lead up to the hospital then of course about the hospital stay. After hearing everything and being in shock herself she told us that it would be good to write and share updates with loved ones, she said it would take the pressure off, less phone calls and less text messaging. At this point I couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone, I still haven't talked to anyone except my parents, Matts parents and Matt on the phone. I don't know what it is, I just don't want to. Once the social worker left Matt brought up the blog, this blog. He said "I think this is one we can keep up with"

We had started this blog 3ish years ago with the idea to do restaurant reviews, lifestyle things, love posts and some DIY projects. Well it turns out that we suck at blogging, we would forget about it for months, once a year passed between posts we were just king of like, screw it. However, I always wanted to keep some kind of online journal. If nothing else I have always felt like Matt and my relationship was worth sharing, it just hadn't worked out. Then there was Henry, the most precious miracle baby I've ever seen, and his story is definitely worth sharing.

If Matt, Henry and I can inspire hope or joy for even 1 person who reads this, then you better believe that I'm going to keep writing. Thank you to everyone who has read this so far and continued to pray for my little family, your support has meant everything to me, and makes the days a little easier.  

Dear Henry, skin to skin.

Dear Henry, skin to skin.

Dear Henry, can you see me?

Dear Henry, can you see me?