Dear Henry, can you see me?

Our first full day home was Saturday, exactly 1 week from the start of everything. We spent the day with Henry. We stared at him until the clock hit the magic number.... at 3:41pm he hit his 72 hour mark! He flew through it, no major episodes, nothing was too wrong with him. For the first time since Wednesday I felt myself able to breathe, he hit his first critical milestone, and while he wasn't out of the clear, we were happy to say good bye to those first few days. 

Sunday July 3rd was the day Matt went back to work, I won't be there for a little while still. The doctor told the family that I shouldn't be left alone for 2 weeks, I think thats because of the stress, the hard time walking and just straight fear. 

My dad came over to baby sit me, we went to breakfast and had a nice long chat. From there we went to hang out with Henry. On the drive to the hospital I decided to turn on my phone..I hadn't answered 1 text or phone call since Saturday and it was the first time I even looked at my phone. I had message on message, missed calls and voicemails. I did't listen to the voicemails (I still haven't) and I couldn't bring myself to read all of the messages... they were all some kind of "I'm so sorry you're going through this and sending love and prayers", I was just too emotional still, I read the first 3 messages, from Emily, Selina and April my 3 very best friends, then I turned off my phone again. The love from everyone was just too overwhelming. Like I said, I'm a crier now, and I needed to pull myself together. I do not want to come off as weak. 

Henry is covered in a blue light, he has a little jaundice, which is expected. His eyes are covered by a little mask, he has a breathing tube in, his lungs aren't strong enough to breathe on his own yet, he needs to get bigger. He has wires connected to him to monitor his heart rate, his temperature and his pulse. He also has a central line that goes through his belly button, this give him some of his nutrients and constantly checks his blood pressure. He also has a feeding tube that goes directly to his stomach. He is both beautiful and fragile, which scares me. 

My parents were there to hangout with us for a while, then when Matt got off we stayed with him. Around 11:30pm, they turned off the light for a little bit so we could take his picture. When the light turned off and the cover came up the most exciting this happened.... Henry opened his eyes. They were very dark blue, as all babies are, his head was turned towards us and those tiny slits opened and it was breathtaking. Once he closed them and went back to sleep, they covered him all up and turned his light back on. It was time for us to go home, I left the hospital feeling good about Henry, and for the first time is a week I was able to sleep and dream of those tiny hands, feet and those little lost eyes. 

Sleep well sweet Henry.

-Nikki